The Big, “No.”

It seems that whomever I meet, wherever I go, I am constantly hearing, “no.” Peers, adults, friends, advisors, strangers, and spouses, will respond to dreams, as being only “dreams,” and nothing more. They’re imposing their assumptions and expectations of you that favor minimum wage. Why is it amateur that I want my dreams to come true? I’ve had them since I was 4: when my memories began. I feel as though my dreams are the only thing I really know. They’re the only feelings that belong to just me; intuition. I guess that makes them more personal, but to be mocked and misjudged and doubted is worse than retaining a nightmare because it’s real life that’s telling me no. Which do I believe in? Why is that a question? I’ve let the opinions of others matter to me more than my own. Is it just me or is this due to societal distress?

In my last few months of college, I went to the doctor for stomach pains I’d been having when trying to eat a meal. Because of stress related symptoms, I’ve attained a stomach ulcer which now prevents me from being able to drink alcohol, eat anything spicy, have coffee, and other vital elements that I used to love. Don’t get me wrong, an ulcer wont stop me from having a drink or two when I want one! The next day though, I’ll pay for it. It’s the thought of hearing, “no,” that deters me from continuing on and pursuing my life goals of being a well-known and respected, successful singer. I found out about the big, “no,” when I was in high school. I was laughed at for thinking I could just move to California and make my dreams of singing professionally, come true. So I decided that filmmaking could fill up my time and I’d enjoy doing it as a career, even though I’ve known in my heart that music is my biggest passion. I could write, sing, play, mix, and listen to music, every day for the rest of my life and be the happiest camper around. Can I do this and still be able to afford a life? Apparently not. Apparently, I can’t even do film because I am a young looking and sounding, female.
Feminism has become such a trend, both in a negative direction and a positive direction. The downplay of women in the work force or women achieving success by working hard, is real and really current. I thought sexism was a sarcastic excuse for girl’s to be bitchy, but then again, how could I believe that when I am personally degraded and belittled by what I do and what aspirations I have, everyday? I listened to those around me, those on television, and those who laughed at successful women. Why? It’s easier to not take offense because you want to believe everyone has the best intentions. From living in Virginia and moving to California, I’ve gathered that not everyone has the best intentions. In fact, most people can only think for themselves and therefore when they hear a goal that sounds outrageous to what they believe in, they’ll put that doubt in you, not thinking whether you have a chance at it or not. So I try not to take judgement personally anymore since stereotyping has become a fad in our society.

I’ve made many wishes in my lifetime from blowing candles off a cake or spotting a shooting star, to closing my eyes and really wanting it to come true. I’ve wished for world peace, I’ve wished to be able to fly, I’ve wished to be able to be a film director, and I’ve wished to become a respected singer, but I’ve never wished for sexism to end. I never believed in sexism because I thought, no one could possibly expect less of someone due to the gender they were born with. I have never been able to fathom racism because of the same reason, and I don’t know why we have degraded ourselves into such minute beings with the brain capacity of a rock. We argue everyday about how different we are from animals, but we are animals. Who do we think we are? We are, and should only be, ourselves; not what everyone else wants us, expects us, and needs us to be. I wish that we could each be true to ourselves without ignorance, hypocritical actions, bad intentions, and have a free mind. Instead, we’ve subconsciously chosen the ugly way of life where money, gender, and power control who we are.
Welcome to the real world?