You get it? Break up edition

If you haven’t dealt with a break up, good for you, but beware. When you least expect it, there can be one around the corner ready to make it’s mark on your past, present and future in order for you to live and learn. Although they are never easy and sometimes we feel as though they are not warranted, they happen and how we deal with them is what matters most. Are you one that hates the ex and never speaks their name again? Are you an avoider? Are you that person that just won’t shut up about it to a point of obsession that even your best friends can’t stand?

Everyone has something to say about how you handle your shit. “you need to get wasted and sleep with someone new”, “lets just stay in and eat some Ben and Jerry’s and cry as we watch ‘The Notebook'”, “Come on just get over it”, “its ok if you just want to cry it out”. Some options are better than others while some are healthier than others, the jury is still out on the lesser of two evils between a pint of ice cream vs. shots of tequila but I would not recommend combining the two.

What I would recommend is time. Yes it is the cliché “time heals all wounds” bullshit but clichés are there for a reason, they stem from truth.

Giving yourself the time to deal with the loss of something, in your own way, is the best thing you can do for yourself. I am not saying to wallow in self pity about your broken heart while you listen to Air Supply’s greatest hits, I am saying let yourself feel, let yourself hurt, deal with that pain and move forward from it. There is not time limit on heartbreak and there is not “right way to deal” but dealing is better than running, and may even salvage a future relationship that you sabotage out of fear.

Let us just say I have gone through this before, perhaps multiple times, each one is different, each one hurts, and each has its own mark on my life and my heart (as the inner artist in me would state). I have dealt with them in specific ways, all unique according to the relationship, even when I was the breaker and not the “breakee”. As a writer especially I find solace in my journal, whether its documenting the day, writing poetry or even fiction, I write something, anything to get out of my own head and release the jumble.

Poetry is my favorite, specifically slam poetry that is meant to be heard and not just read. I have been writing even before I started dating and one day hope to compile a book of the chronology of the dating process, the before, during and after compilation of poems that I write to note the changes in mood, style and content.

I have found that also reading these types of poems helps me cope with loss of love. Knowing someone out there has felt the same or has gone through what I have gone through in some way comforts that loneliness. “They get it”.

So I have decided to start that sharing process with some personal work that I haven’t displayed to my peers, professors or even the literary magazine I publish, in hopes of someone reading it one day and thinking to themselves “they get it”.

Actions speak

You know that saying “actions speak louder than words”

So say as much as you like I’m a tactile human. I want to be shown.

Kiss me like you are searching for the pieces of my heart and soul that had shattered and scattered from the last one,

Hold my face in your hands gentle and safe as if you are putting it all back together,

‘cause humpty had been dumptied once or twice before this.

I want to Hold your hand on our afternoon walk and feel yours embrace mine almost too

because you can’t stand the idea of losing me

I want you to walk back in that door again to shush me in a way that doesn’t make me want to get louder. Make me, the most talkative girl in the world, shut up.

I always want the last word. Make me speechless,

with your kiss, With your smile,

With those eyes that I want to literally swim in

because that color blue is not in any crayon box I have ever used,

it’s only been in sandals vacation commercials or honeymoon albums of soft waves and good mornings Love me back,

show me.

Want me back

In your life, in your heart, in your head.

Tell me these things with no words,

Give me tokens of you to wear proudly,

Talk to me about plans like you plan on including me

Warn me about your family that I already fell in love with from the first anecdote to the last antidote of my dreams with you.

Show me off to the world cause you are on top of it.

Talk to me Til sunrise,

Give me those butterflies

Keep them alive with the flowers and nectar of our midnight laughter of geese flying overhead

Don’t find a reason to walk out that door in the first place

Don’t just fight for it.

Live for it

Love for it

Listen to those songs Bang out to that vinyl record spinning slowly next to the journal filled with dreams of finding you and not knowing Quite yet that you have been there

From middle school hallways to break aways from reality

Actions speak louder than words

But I guess I can be a hypocrite.