When the new iPhone came out, all Apple lovers just had to get it. When Beyoncés new album released only on iTunes, everyone just had to see it. And when a new dance hits the air waves, we all just have to learn how to do it. We love trends. So why are unhealthy relationships such as on-again/off-again ones popular?
An estimated 60% of people have experienced an on-again/off-again relationship, and an estimated 2 out of 3 college students in the U.S have experienced an on-again off-again relationship. Even though your conscious tells you that this relationship is not going to work, because of fear of loneliness yet hoping for change, you consistently go back to them. When you decide to leave your relationship, you tend to go back to your Ex because of two or more reasons…

  • You have this perception that the person could still be “the one”
  • You hold onto old feelings
  •  Afraid to start over and meet new people. You think it’s going to be hard to find someone or too lazy to start dating again.
  • The relationship has become a safe haven for you. You want to go back to something they already know and comfortable with.
  • Uncertainty about where your relationship stands

Sometimes breaking up is a good thing when you allow yourself to grow outside the relationship and once you reunite, arguments are settled better, and you’ll notice the shift is positive. BUT when people break up, expecting and hoping things will change without self-growth that can lead to the on-again/off-again cycle reoccurring.

What is an unhealthy relationship?
When the relationship is experiencing unhealthy characteristics on a daily basis to where it has become a routine, and when the relationship starts impacting how you feel about yourself in a negative way and other aspects of your life in a damaging way.

Red flags of an unhealthy relationship:

  •  your partner by putting yourself first or vice versa
    Not being yourself
  • Trying to change the other person to ones liking
  • Trying to change the other person to ones liking
  • Possessiveness and jealousy shows up more and more because of the lack of trust
  • You’re not growing as a person in the relationship but feeling worst about yourself
  • Arguments are normal and can be healthy, but too much arguing with no positive solutions just causes more drift between the two
  • Don’t make time to spend with the other
  • Lack of fairness and equality
  •  Lack of respect

What’s the next step after noticing the red flags?
If we want to prevent going in a cycle our partners and I need to make the relationship a priority and not treat it like an option. Decide which needs are important and which can be let go. Learn to communicate, like expressing our feelings without letting emotions control us, and learn how to settle disputes which both sides are equally happy. Be direct with what we want; no time to play the guessing game anymore. The only thing that should be expected is problems, and the only thing to accept is that you both are different.
If the cycle continues and there isn’t change, the next time you call it off, cut off all forms of communication.

Let things fall into place.