Dating An Empath: Mirroring and Bullying
I’m HSP and Empath which means I tend to attract a high number of people with Borderline Personality Disorder. I experience excessive mirroring and chameleon behavior which is one of the biggest and most challenging aspects of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)
I’ve endured less than stellar experiences due to my own diagnosis as an HSP/Empath. Although, I don’t suffer from BPD and have had many negative experiences, I do feel as though the vilification of this disease is misunderstood. Suffering from BPD, doesn’t make you a psychopath or a killer. Now internet trolls and so forth fall under that category. However, the disease is some what treatable.
It’s hard when you’re dating someone new, you initially meet their friends then you know off the bat that ‘Amanda’ will be a problem.
“The Chameleon Effect’ – or ‘mirroring’. This is the constant, unconscious change in the person’s ‘self’, as they struggle to fit in with their environment, or the people around them. It is, essentially, a fluctuating identity. It is the manifestation of a basic inability or difficulty in establishing a stable sense of self.” – Sarah Myles
That won’t go over well because he’ll just think you’re being controlling and Amanda will agree. It’s hard to explain this to individuals.
Personality nor looks do play a role but the deeper issue is whatever that person chooses to obsess about. It could be hair, career, kids or men. Unfortunately, its not about the love for a career nor a man, it’s all apart of an inventory.
Example: I’m dating Billy for years and I meet his friend, Louise. Louise within a week of meeting has chosen to change her hair color to match mine and starts buying books in the same subjects, which she was never interested in..
I confront Billy, he thinks that I am imagining it but Louise has hostility towards me a lot of times. Simply because Louise purposefully goes out her way to copy. Sane person would stop but that’s the thing with BPD they do not have a self regulation system. So they will go out of their way to wear the same hairstyle, its passive aggressive.
You feel alone and a sense of “am I the only one seeing this?”
The other issue is they are impeccable manipulators. Social media is their playground, posting in such way that responds to whatever target. They will continue to taught, bully, idealize, play mind games, lie and act surprised when confronted.
They do this in excess, so it’s not just one post, it is 5. Its not just bullying – its creating 10 accounts trolling for hours and months or sometimes years.
Behaviour such as this can be extremely draining and dangerous. This behaviour falls under psychopathy.
So how do you confront your significant other?
1. You gather up all the scientific information supporting this disorder due to the fact that people are ignorant and not informed, which must change.
2. Screenshots with supporting articles
3. Let him know you love him and you do want to make it work.
4. If he is receptive and depending upon how severe the abuse was does matter.
• If the abuse was mild and he is interested in being proactive, then he is to confront her and let her know he is aware and he intends on spending less time with her as a result.
5. If he is receptive and the abuse escalated into toxicity.
• If you suffered horrible abuse which was also traumatic because your partner was not proactive enough. The abused affected your emotional state and it was maliciously inflicted then the only solutions is to cut the person off completely. They illustrated a complete disregard for human life and empathy. They’re toxic .
6. If he is receptive but the damage is already done and even if he’s willing to remove who is obviously toxic. However, the damage is for too great then move on.
7. If he Is NOT receptive then you leave.
• Narcissists will hold that over your head and his decision will only further inflate her ego.
• She knows she has the upper hand
• The abuse will increase and you suffer more than anyone should ever have to.
• You don’t need a man who doesn’t care to provide a safe environment for you as a HSP/Empath. Dating us requires environmental protection.
• Maybe he’s known her all his life then that would be hard for him but life is about growing up.
• If it’s an EX then he should have no problem, if it’s you he wants.
Bottom line, no matter what protect yourself. You know who is good and bad, trust your instincts. You might be labeled a liar or paranoid to ignorant people who refuse to pick up a book.
In time, you’ll find a wonderful partner who is more than willing to accommodate you. This is not any different from having a disability.
The right guy, if he’s healthy will want to remove toxicity but how.
• Confront, with a calm mind and spirit. Let them know that what they’re doing is causing strife. Ask for some space for everyone to work things out.
Be advised: a guilt trip will follow, tells of abandonment, how you’re like everyone else, that they didn’t know what they were doing, how his new girl is bad news, jealous, insecure etc
There will be slander, lies, and games
She might try to set her up or constantly implying they are still together.
For us, its about respect and finding a partner who understands our condition.
We need a mature, analytical, open minded, and a morally responsible partner. A man who is really willing to protect and defend you. Ethically present to know that getting rid of an abuser is in their best interest. Situations like this can either solidify or destroy a relationship from every angle.
I don’t have anything against anyone’s exes. I have been unjustly attacked by exes with this condition.. The extent to which I was attacked and length, I can not have those people in my life.
Even so, I don’t have problem with exes just as long they’re nice and have moved on. It is when they are competing and being abusive that’s when its time to cut them off.
Some people with BPD can and do amazing things in life and it’s not a death sentence. You are loved and you matter.
Now that, in no way classifies them as blameless. The contrary, what is critical here, is that this behavior can unfortunately destroy people and especially HSP/EMPATH.
It’s all about self care.
Asking yourself: “Am I on the best treatment plan for my BPD?”
Empath “This is too much for me and I can’t tolerate it, I need to walk away”
The right partner is out there but for now practice self-love and self-care.