#WhyIStayed He raped him, he was psychotic, pulled a gun on me, impugned my achievements, threaten me with blackmail, constant intimidation, isolated me, his family and friends harassed and taunted me to silence me, he told people I was the problem and people believed his deadly charm. He knew I had no one because my “family” treated me the exact same way. I watched my father break my step mother’s jaw and body growing up. That’s all I knew about love, abuse, and the “parents” who not only allowed but also inflicted. The pain was unimaginable.
Then one day I woke up in a therapy session when she asked “Do you think your abusers love you?”
She asked me to write down 5 words which I associated with Love.
Then she asked me to write down the words that that I associated with the opposite of love.
She asked me to pick a family member and I picked my mother who had a long history of physically sharing her children with boyfriends. She asked me to read each item I listed as Love. She asked is your mother “kind” and I responded “No” to each question. Then she asked me to read each item I listed as Not Love.
She asked me does your mother abuse you? Each question I answered “Yes.” With tears filling my eyes, I looked up at her. She looked me deep in my eyes and said “That’s not love.” Someone who abuses you, controls you, puts fear in your heart, who is careless and uses hate speech towards you doesn’t love you.
At that moment, I finally understood. She told me don’t call those people your family because that’s not what family does. That’s not what love is.
I have broken away from all of the horrible people in my life because believe it or not…abusers have you picked out before you even realize it. You attract those kind of people and you don’t even know it.
You have to know what love is and you learn that by the word of God. God is Love. If you’re with someone who isn’t giving the type of love God would approve, then drop them. Everything my mother ever said I would never be, I became. It wasn’t because I wanted to prove her wrong, ironically enough, God just opened the doors for me. I know it takes awhile to really see what you deserve but once you do, you’re free, you have to learn to love all over again. You don’t come out unscathed. However, you will come out stronger and the more you tell your story the less power it has over you.
#WhyIleft? Because I am worth love and happiness. I’m beautiful and I am a survivor. My pain has not made me bitter, but better. The more I was hurt throughout my life, the more I learned to love and have compassion for others because I don’t want anyone to hurt like I did. No deserves to live the life I did, especially not ME.
If you or someone you know is in a abusive relationship don’t stay silent, get help & speak your truth. https://www.rainn.org/