Misunderstood Beauty

I grew up in the San Fernando Valley and my dad wasn’t from this country but from Honduras. There was a lot of Spanish speaking in the house, constant Punta music and dance; it was rich with culture. I remember my abuelita with hazel eyes and my abuelito with beautiful black skin and blue eyes. I remember being 16 with my long curly hair, green eyes and mouth full of braces once I moved to San Francisco.

That was the first time someone had ever come up to me and said:

 “Your eyes are so beautiful but they are fake right?”

I remember not really knowing what to say because it’s an insult and an overall classless question. My eyes are so beautiful that there is no way they could be mine? I thought to myself.

Curious, I replied “Why do you say that?”

She replied “Well, dark people don’t have light eyes.”

It was better that I just walked away, so I did that. It never ceases to amaze me the level of ignorance people have. She obviously never traveled out of her community and clearly not to Central America. However, deeper than that it made me really start questioning the ideas of “beauty” at a very young age.

The idea of beauty has become much more complicated, if not delusional. Women are constantly comparing themselves to one another, comparing themselves to celebrities and their beauty. What’s unfortunate is, many would say that’s “natural” but it isn’t. In fact, it’s conditioned.  However, I challenge you to be your own Beauty Icon.I realize at times we feel insecure but you have to know that you, yourself are a living Beauty Icon. Yes, you sitting there in your oversized sweater. We have the power to set the standards of beauty.

As women, we have to understand that there is power in just being who you are. You have to practice confidence and being comfortable in your own skin. It doesn’t matter if you’re not a size 2, because you’re setting your own rules. It doesn’t matter if you’re a size 0 or a 24, you’re beautiful. We have to get out of the mindset of comparison… Oh I want her nose, her arms, or her body. This mindset is destructive.

We have to get REAL and take ourselves into consideration. Also, we must come to the realization that 9 times out 10, that celebrity look that you crave isn’t even humanly possible. It is made “possible” by Photoshop and plastic surgery. Bottom line is, if you do not see the logic in going to the Toys R US doll isle and picking out body parts on dolls, then don’t do it with unrealistic images.

2014 should be all about being flawless, not about flaws. Whether the person is in front of you or on a magazine, please take yourself into consideration. Keep in mind that some images aren’t even humanly possible; it’s not human but manufactured. Most importantly, everyone doesn’t look alike nor do we need to. Your individual beauty is iconic. You define beauty. We define Beauty. 

We are in competition with no one. Our value is not determined by what we don’t have but by what we do have individually. Everyone has a right to express themselves however they desire. However, when it comes to social media such as Twitter and Instagram, women often degrade themselves. That’s something we have to encourage women to stray from.

It’s no fault of Social Media as to why this occurs ,because at the end of the day, we all have choices. We have to make choices as leaders of the community to not lower ourselves or our standards for “likes.”

Social Media has been the breeding ground for terrible parenting, over-sexualized teens, half-naked women, women posting pictures of their malnourished bodies, bodies made of plastic,  and an over-saturation of butt implants and exercises.  The desperation is overactive on social media. This is why it is so important to see through the smoke and mirrors. You shouldn’t sell yourself short and you should encourage others not to, as well.  Being comfortable in your own skin isn’t about showing skin but about confidence.

Invest in yourself.

 Men…

If your man crush or celebrity crush is only “into the models types” or “The Perfect Woman,” then realize that he is not that deep. He is predictable and uninteresting. He is as simple as the women he dates. Those guys who go after one type of woman are the type of men who seek perfection in women as a way to minimize their own imperfections. The type of guy who shows his ego not only in words but in his selection of women. That’s not the type of man you want, plus it could often times be a front. Every man has his type, but a man is still a man.

This idea of striving for perfection has turned some men and women delusional. Every person knows that one friend who finds something wrong with every person they meet. He is looking for a Victoria Secret model, with a Harvard education, who never argues with him.  She is looking for Ryan Gosling, Notebook romance, who wants family and kids, an outright Casanova.  I’m not saying that you can’t find a person who has everything you desire, however, you need to be realistic.

Often times people request attributes in a relationship that they do not posses themselves. It’s so important that we invest in ourselves as women, as people. You should always know what you want and what you do not want in a relationship. However, at the same time, know your worth.  A list of characteristics in a mate shouldn’t be: Rich, tall, Range Rover, awakes at 7am every morning, and knows what I am thinking…. Try making a list like: Compassionate, kind, understanding, and humble. It will get you much further.

The point is this, do not allow anyone or even your own unrealistic thoughts about beauty or perfection get in your way. Stop comparing yourself to people who don’t even look like themselves, or any random women you see on the street . You’re a Beauty Icon.  You’re setting the standards of beauty every day: as a mother, daughter, sister, friend, dad, brother, or a son. Do you really want to shop for new parts for your body and face at Toys R US? Do you really want to be desperate for likes? Do you really want to date a man who only dates girls who come off the assembly-line?

No. I mean, why would you? You’re an Icon.