I do want the fairytale… or maybe just a happy ending

“Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.”

― Neil Gaiman

As some of you may know by now, I have an inextinguishable passion for fairy tales and I love movies a little bit too much for my own good. Not only do I tend to daydream my life away most of the time, but I am not even ashamed to say that I sometimes prefer the company of books and movies over people. While I can’t remember when my obsession with fairy tales began, I’m positive they have shaped my life and that of a lot of other people out there.

A part of me totally blames it on the beautiful Vivian Ward, portrayed by Julia Roberts who, towards the end of the critically acclaimed romantic comedy Pretty Woman, exclaimed “I do want the fairy tale”. How did she even dare?! Eventually, as if by magic, she ended up having all her childhood fantasies come true and living the perfect life she had always dreamt of.

On the other hand, I am also convinced that fairy tales have a strong educational power, especially among children, preparing them for reality. It is a fact that almost all fairy tales are full of dangerous characters such as wicked stepmothers, angry ogres and cannibal witches who haunt the main protagonists, and us, along the way. By having a sense of hero and villain, children are supposed to learn to deal with a whole spectrum of situations that arise in their own lives and they can understand that not everyone is going to be nice to them.

Fairy tales surely help us grow up. They teach us more about life than science itself. Also, “the best way to read a fairy tale is to throw yourself in” said W.H. Auden. Let’s face it! No child has ever been really interested in knowing about Little Red Riding Hood’s plain journey to her grandmother’s house and you will be amazed by how very little most children actually care about the Beauty and the Beast’s timeless love story. The only reason why those stories manage to catch their interest is because that fantasy-driven set of events describing various characters out of the realms of reality actually maintains strong points of contacts with reality itself, in which children see their own selves, their lives, or better, their lives to be.

Of course, I am aware that this is going to be the prologue to an endless much discussed debate: Fairy Tales vs. Reality. Both speak of happiness at the end of the tunnel, both aim to the same ending of “happily ever after”, but it is undeniably true that the way in which the fortunate “happy ending” is pursued and eventually reached can differ widely.

Everything gets even more complicated when it comes to romance. As young girls, we grew up watching princesses find their princes (well, I guess that all of a sudden meeting a stranger stopped being a danger, right?) and of course we’ve all heard about the Prince Charming, the one who comes to the rescue of the damsel in distress and stereotypically must engage in a quest to liberate her from an evil spell. Don’t you think that fairy tales have contributed to create unrealistic expectations for adult relationships? I mean, if you had been waiting for prince charming to put the glass slipper on your foot so you could romantically ride off into the sunset, wouldn’t you be disappointed if all of a sudden someone told you that you’d have to finish school, work for a living, do all the houseworks, take care of the finances and take care of the kids all at the same time?

Most of all, how did fairy tales manage to make us believe that the only guarantee to live happily ever after is to find and marry Mr. Perfect? If we take a look at most Disney heroines, from The Little Mermaid to Belle from The Beauty and The Beast, to Jasmine, Aladdin’s espouse, they all seem to be headstrong, independent and very ambitious female characters. However, if we look closely, it suddenly becomes clear that these feminist constructions end up conforming to old archetypes of a chauvinistic ideology that still tends to consider marriage as women’s ultimate goal in life.

These unrealistic expectations contribute to make most women feel unsatisfied with their lives or even disappointed when, after kissing their fair amount of frogs, they still haven’t found Mr. Right. Besides, “real men” might even feel diminished by women’s too high expectations about love. Men are constantly forced to live up to their women’s expectations of being swept off their feet or showered with red rose petals and this is mainly because a lot of women have seen this happening in the latest Nicholas Spark’s novel or in some cheesy romcom from the 90s.

If you want, you can sarcastically call us (and YES, I shamelessly add myself to the club) hopeless romantics, idealists, sentimental dreamers or simply people who are in love with the idea of being in love… but remember that, after all, a little stardust in the eyes never harmed anybody. I firmly believe that living one’s personal customized fairy tale is far from being impossible. Walt Disney himself used to say “If you can dream it, you can do it” but, most importantly dreams require a certain amount of bravery. In order to make a dream come true, you need to have dreamt in the first place.

I believe that fairy tales represent what’s left of our happy childhood memories, of our naivety, of that “romanticized outlook on life” we wished we didn’t give up on so early. Despite all the cynicism, the mistrust, the maliciousness surrounding us nowadays, fairy tales help us keep hope alive and not give up on what we truly wish for.

Frog or Prince, no matter what or who you choose in order to make yourself happy, remember that the main thing is to be with someone who loves you and respects you for who you are. Most importantly, keep in mind that you and you only are the resource of your own happiness. You can be your own Prince or Princess and your happiness doesn’t have to rely on a Prince Charming-kind of fairytale, where people are either good or evil and everyone needs to get married in order to live happily ever after, safe from any pain or sorrow.

As a matter of fact, life is a lot messier than that. It might not always resemble a romantic comedy, but this doesn’t mean you cannot get your happy ending.