Handling toxic people

As a kid or a teen you don’t know what a toxic relationship looks like, you may even be in one via friends, your dating life, or family. Toxic people can be extremely dangerous to mental health and to physical health. They’re the people who tear you down, if in a friendship or romance they are the person who makes contact feel like a chore. At work that person is belittling and in a family that person is abusive. A toxic person makes you want to avoid talking to them at all cost. In many cases, enduring the abuse (being around them, being friends with one, etc.) a toxic person brings can lead to self-destructive tendencies.

So what can be done? How do you maintain healthy mental health in the event of having such a person in your life?

Number one: find out if you have to be around that person. As mentioned, self-destructive tendencies follow toxic people like a shadow. Be it through peer pressure or bulling, a person can thoroughly ruin their life by being around said person. I’ve seen this happen first hand with people who don’t put distance between them and a toxic person who acts like their most loyal friend. So first thing to think over is: Do I really have no other choice but to be around this person?

If you have no choice you need to evaluate how often you’re going to be around said person. Depending on the answer and situation you’re in, you may find that you don’t have to have as much contact with said person as you previously thought. If the answer is frequent and honestly can’t avoid it, you should give yourself pep talks and if able have another person with you who knows the situation. If you can’t have another person with you, my advice is to start getting used to saying no when the toxic person wants to suck you into something that can be potentially dangerous.

Journaling, AKA venting on paper, can help alleviate stresses that are caused from toxic people. If you have a person to talk to about it that helps too but remember that too much vent talk can turn you into a toxic person for whoever is listening. Having a shoulder to lean on is good, but don’t exploit that person emotionally by not offering the same support when they need it.

For lack of a better word – Building a backbone and teaching yourself self-respect is the best way to have your mental health get better in the event of having to deal with toxic people. Self-respect is something we all should have for better mental health period. If you don’t respect yourself, who will? Certainly not the person who is making you feels uncomfortable and is pressuring decisions that create sleepless nights or a downward spiral. In elementary age peer pressure family programs kids are told, “If it makes you uncomfortable, just say no.” In adulthood we tend to forget that and disrespect ourselves for the amusement of another. So in the end self-respect (the ability to say no and be comfortable with decisions) is the best recommendation for when facing a toxic person.