Hi Certainly Her!
My Name is Naomi and I have been with my boyfriend Robbie for 3 Years. We plan to get married soon and really love each other. However, he is unable to open up about his feelings and I want us to work this out before getting married. Can you help?
Communication is key in any relationship, and being on the same page is essential for longevity. Men are very interesting creatures. From an early age men are deemed tough, with little to no room for emotion to share but the truth is, men are sensitive too. So it is often that you hear men of all ages being told to “be a man” “walk it off” “suck it up”. Have we forgotten men are human too? Some men can easily open up, and some men can’t, it’s different for every guy. This process is not overnight. So let’s get into it.
- Let him know that you both are on the same team. Make him aware that every decision that you make is because you love him, you love “us” (you and him). Understand that conversations should happen naturally and should never been forced for any reason whatsoever. Observe what he is comfortable with and what he’s not. It’s easy for men to feel attacked when confronted. Reassure him that’s not the case.
- Use words like “we” in the conversation to illustrate the topic and emotions behind it. “I love you so much. We are very happy together. We always have each other’s best interests at heart.” This can be very disarming. It also sets the tone of the conversation, so as not to point the finger, but to share the blame.
- Then finally “The Talk” It’s all about listening. Let him speak at his leisure and validate his feelings by being an active listener. Active listening means nodding your head and once he is finished, show him that you agree or disagree. But most of all, show him that you understand and care.
- Let him know that you love him and want to be the best girlfriend that you can be and to do that, it requires him to open up. You want him to trust you because you trust him. Communication is one of the many key elements for a stable foundation in a relationship. When he realizes that you want to build with him, he may just want to stack up the blocks, but he has to feel safe enough for you to provide the glue, and vise versa. Make him feel comfortable and he will open up naturally.
- Every man is different. He could open up immediately or in some cases, he will stumble along the way while he is trying…because he is human. No one is perfect. It’s all about the team work you becoming his rock when he is unable and him being your rock when you are weak. It’s a give and take.
- Seek Counseling. It works; and never be ashamed to seek health betterment.